Thursday Three - Bale's Hotness

Ann and I aren’t the only ones who appreciate Christian Bale’s many many gifts. Entertainment Weekly recently asked Matt Damon, “Are there any actors or movies that have blown you away recently?” Damon’s response:

“You know who's great is Christian Bale. Did you see Harsh Times? He did that and The Prestige in the same year! People say, ''Oh, you did The Departed and The Good Shepherd in the same year, you really got robbed.'' Christian f---ing Bale got robbed!”

So Damon loves himself some Bale. And he was People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive. The Bale, who I used to think was my own private secret discovery, apparently has plenty of other fans. When Ann and I went on the internet (what the f--- is the internet?) to do research, we were bombarded with Bale tributes. One YouTuber (Matt Damon, is that you?) summed it up well: Baleheads United… Many United by One.

Top 3 YouTube Bale Tributes:

“I’m Too Sexy” – Yes, the tongue-in-cheek Right Said Fred song is the ideal soundtrack to accompany multiple clips of this incrediBale male specimen.



“Bale’s Bringing Sexy Back” – JT also provides a suitable backdrop.



CB Parody James Bond theme – No disrespect to Daniel Craig, but Bale could’ve done Bond even better.



Honorable mention: Mentos Parody – The juxtaposition of Euro-cheesy Mentos fresh-maker music with a buck-naked chainsaw-wielding Bale is pure amusement.




Top 3 Films that Demonstrate Bale’s Hotness

Batman Begins / The Dark Knight – No brainer. But is Bruce Wayne or his alter-ego the Dark Knight more likely to make your toes curl? I tend to gravitate more to Brooks Brothers than Leather Daddy’s, so I give the edge to Bruce.
Laurel Canyon - A surprising and potentially controversial choice! Despite an ill-advised hair cut, as a man with mommy issues Bale is hot, hot, hot. Just watch that yearning kiss in the car between him and Natasha McElhone.
American Psycho - Yes, he’s creepishly plastic and all-around kinda… um, psycho. But c’mon, the shower and push-ups alone… Psycho has never been so attractive. And the fact that it’s just such a damn good – and brilliantly funny – performance really elevates Bale the man in my book.

Top 3 Movies that would have been Better with Bale

The Matrix – He proved he’s got the moves in the similar but ultimately inferior Equilibrium. Keanu’s all right to look at, but that flick needed someone who could act. So you don’t bust out laughing to take you out of the mood at lines like “This is crazy” and “whoa.”
Titanic - I know this is a controversial choice, as Leo did a great job of pulling off the hotness, but can you imagine that sweaty car scene with Bale? Yum.
Jarhead - I never saw the actual movie, but the trailers showed a lot of shirtless men, and everyone can appreciate a shirtless Bale.

Bale out!